Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Snoop Dogg Takes The Fifth

What hath Scotch and soda wrought? This, for starters, courtesy of the scintillating superluminal Dan Atkinson.

If Bob Dylan (or, more likely, someone holding a grudge against Bob Dylan, possibly Big Joe Turner or one of his relatives) were currently looking for legal representation, I think this post establishes Atkinson's bona fides and expertise on the subject beyond dispute. Sadly, I don't think he is. One side or the other in the Leonard Cohen dispute, on the other hand, might very well be. I don't have the song to hand, but I suggest something along the lines of:

Leonard Cohen:
- has a secret life in a mirrored room.
- has run out of people to torture.
- has ordered his baby to lie beside him.
- has made a number of ancillary demands, including but not limited to crack, anal sex, the Berlin Wall, Stalin, St. Paul, and miscellaneous other historical figures, religious icons, and modes of Biblical knowing.
- is unfamiliar with the meaning of the word "repent".
- nevertheless claims to be the little Jew who wrote the Bible.
- has seen nations rise and fall.
- has listened to their stories most assiduously.
- has been instructed to say, clearly and coldy, that it's over.
- does not like children.

- do not now, have not in the past, nor will ever know Leonard Cohen from the wind.
- are being beaten by the Devil with a riding crop.
- are about to have a packed social calendar.
- also do not like children.

Your woman:
- is about to be suspended in midair, upside down.

- will slide in all directions.
- will be unmeasurable.

The blizzard of the world:
- has crossed the threshold and overturned the order of the soul.

The hole in your culture:
- has a tree stuffed up it.