Snoop Dogg Takes The Fifth

What hath Scotch and soda wrought? This, for starters, courtesy of the scintillating superluminal Dan Atkinson.

If Bob Dylan (or, more likely, someone holding a grudge against Bob Dylan, possibly Big Joe Turner or one of his relatives) were currently looking for legal representation, I think this post establishes Atkinson's bona fides and expertise on the subject beyond dispute. Sadly, I don't think he is. One side or the other in the Leonard Cohen dispute, on the other hand, might very well be. I don't have the song to hand, but I suggest something along the lines of:

Leonard Cohen:
- has a secret life in a mirrored room.
- has run out of people to torture.
- has ordered his baby to lie beside him.
- has made a number of ancillary demands, including but not limited to crack, anal sex, the Berlin Wall, Stalin, St. Paul, and miscellaneous other historical figures, religious icons, and modes of Biblical knowing.
- is unfamiliar with the meaning of the word "repent".
- nevertheless claims to be the little Jew who wrote the Bible.
- has seen nations rise and fall.
- has listened to their stories most assiduously.
- has been instructed to say, clearly and coldy, that it's over.
- does not like children.

You:
- do not now, have not in the past, nor will ever know Leonard Cohen from the wind.
- are being beaten by the Devil with a riding crop.
- are about to have a packed social calendar.
- also do not like children.

Your woman:
- is about to be suspended in midair, upside down.

Things:
- will slide in all directions.
- will be unmeasurable.

The blizzard of the world:
- has crossed the threshold and overturned the order of the soul.

The hole in your culture:
- has a tree stuffed up it.