Monday, December 12, 2005

Assembled Douchebags: "Keep Our Sand White!"

Interesting weekend to be at the beach.

Now, I'm not a very adventurous beachgoer. There's a direct bus from the end of my street to Coogee, and the ride across the harbour to Manly is gorgeous; that'll do nicely. As far as I'm concerned "Cronulla" is just a minor Dr. Who villain circa 1970. So, when this punch-up was forecast by someone at our table at the Coogee Bay Hotel on Saturday night, I may have underestimated the import, said something terribly witty about Quadrophenia, and gone about my evening. After seeing all the apocalyptic "race riot" headlines in the Herald, I felt slightly chastened. In the spirit of learning and humility, then, here are some lessons to be drawn from the whole mess:

  • Quadrophenia still has untapped comedy potential after all these years.

  • The dominant race, whatever it may be, disdains punctuation. Apostrophes, in particular, are a clear sign of racial inferiority.

  • The word "capsicum" is an Australian substitute for "pepper" even in non-culinary settings: witness "capsicum spray" in the SMH link.

  • There's nothing you can't protest by throwing rocks at the police.