Friday, January 28, 2005

I Despise My Sanctimonious Roommates, Thursdays This Fall

In a corridor some levels above this subterranean pit of apathy, there is a message board. On the message board there are fliers, posters and such, all obscured by the largest and most obnoxious call for roommates I have ever seen; an A3-sized list of desirable qualities and unwanted attributes. The existing roommates have obviously put a lot of thought into this: they want someone who "does not approach spirituality with pre-existing religious dogma" and also someone who "generally adheres to the philosophy 'smoke, choke, croak'". We also learn about their own foibles: one, for instance, is a fan of the godawful band Big Country, and is a struggling agnostic. The other is not a vegetarian, but "eats like one".

One of them is apparently male, the other female. If they breed, I fear for the kids. On the other hand, it's good to have the deal-breakers out there in the open: I vowed long ago never to live with a guy who listed The Fifth Element as one of his favorite movies. However, the temptation to move in, surreptitiously film them around the clock, and sell the resulting footage to Fox may prove irresistible.