Tuesday, June 14, 2005

They Also Pledge To Send Me A Large American Flag

So, I just received the greatest piece of junk mail ever: an offer to join something called the Republican Presidential Task Force. I was deeply nonplussed to learn, from no less an authority than Libby Dole, that
Your accomplishments place you among the less than one percent of [name of state elided] Republicans that will be awarded Platinum Status during this crucial time for fulfilling the Bush agenda for our Party and nation.
Bollocks similar to this regularly comes my way from the Democrats, I think on account of a brief and ugly involvement in the lower echelons of the union to which I belong. However, I have no idea how I got on this particular mailing list. Needless to say, I am delighted: if I send them a check for some ridiculous amount of money my name will apparently be "permanently etched on one of the last remaining panels of the Founders Wall in the Honors Courtyard of the Ronald Reagan Republican Center on Capitol Hill".

It's a weirdly tempting offer, if only because it doesn't seem like it's part of the party platform to solicit funds from non-resident aliens and, unlike the AFL-CIO, they don't seem to be interested in selling me a credit card. Plus, who knows whether my newfound status as a staunch Republican could help me in awkward border situations. On the verge of being unceremoniously slung back across the Atlantic, I could brandish my Republican Presidential Task Force lapel pin at the homeland security types and instruct them to unhand me in the name of Sen. Dole. Moreover, if they don't believe me they can just go ahead and check the Founders Wall in the Honors Courtyard of the Ronald Reagan Republican Center on Capitol Hill - then they'll see what's what.

I don't have my copy to hand, but I think Hunter Thompson wrote a bit about joining the RPTF or some similar cabal in Better Than Sex. Of course, he was also trying to become a Perot delegate at the time.